A Light For God's House
In a mountain village in Europe a long time ago, a nobleman wondered what gift he could present to his townspeople. At last he decided to build them a church. No one saw the complete plans for the church until it was finished. When the people gathered, they marvelled at it's beauty. Then someone asked,"But where are the lamps? How will it be lighted?" The nobleman pointed to some brackets in the walls. then he gave them each family a lamp, asking them to bring these with them each time they came to worship. "Each time you are in church, the area where you are seated will be lighted," the nobleman said. "Each time you are not here, that area will be dark. this is to remind you that whenever you fail to come to church, some part of God's house will be dark."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


24 Hour Period
God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth." Angel: "What are you going to do now?" God: "Call it a day."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


A Child's ABC's
A grandfather overheard his granddaughter repeating the alphabet in reverent, hushed tones. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I'm praying, Grandpa," she said. "I can't think of the right words, so I just say all the letters. God will put them together for me, 'cause he knows what I'm thinking."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


A Little Boy's Prayer
"Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


A Preacher's Dying Wish
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves ... and that's how I want to go."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Atheist In The Woods
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the accident of evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, just in time to see a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw the bear closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him. At that instant, he cried out, "Oh my God!" Just then, time stopped... The bear froze; the forest was silent; even the river stopped moving. A bright light shone upon the man, and a voice came out of the sky, saying, "You deny My existence all of these years; teach others I don't exist; even credit My creation to a cosmic accident, and now do you expect Me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist, ever so proud, looked into the light and said, "It would be rather hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years. But could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, the sounds of the forest continued, and the bear put his paw down. The man breathed a sigh of relief. Then the bear brought both paws together, bowed his head and said: "Lord, I thank you for this food, which I am about to receive."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Bible Riddles
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out A little prophet. Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less. Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? A. Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord. A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement." Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out. Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? A. They really raised Cain. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? A. The thought had never entered his head before. Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible? A. It's in Kings, where it says that David sat on the Throne for forty years. Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Big Trouble
There were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father agreed. The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest. The priest sat the boy down across from him at a huge impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing. Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?" The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIG trouble." The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble'?" His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Boat Ride
A priest was taking a tour of biblical sites, when he came to a beach and saw a boat and a sign advertising, "TAKE A BOAT RIDE TO THE EXACT PLACE WHERE JESUS WALKED ON WATER!!!" Inquiring about it, he learned that the ride there was free, so he went. After viewing it, he said to the captain of the boat, "Ok, I'm done, let's go back now." "That'll be $35 to go back." The priest, shocked by the charge, exclaims "Dang, no wonder Jesus got out and walked!!!"

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Brand New You
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I though you said I had another 40 years?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)





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