Children of Israel
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. "Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. Right?" "Right." "And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" "Er--right." "And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?" "Again, you're right." "And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?" "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So, what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What were all the grown-ups doin'"?

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Christian Alphabet
A lthough things are not perfect B ecause of trial or pain C ontinue in thanksgiving D o not begin to blame. E ven when the times are hard F ierce winds are bound to blow G od is forever able H old on to what you know. I magine life without His love J oy would cease to be K eep thanking Him for all the things L ove imparts to thee. M ove out of "Camp Complaining" N o weapon that is known O n earth can yield the power P raise can do alone. Q uit looking at the future R edeem the time at hand S tart every day with worship T o "thank" is a command. U ntil we see Him coming V ictorious in the sky W e'll run the race with gratitude X alting God most high. Y es, there will be good times and yes some will be bad, but... Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad! "Too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Be Blessed.

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Christian Bears
A minister was walking through the woods and came face to face with a huge bear. He fell down on his knees and prayed, "Father, please make this bear a Christian!" While he was praying he heard a big "Thud". He opened his eyes to see the bear right in front of him on his knees with his paws held together as if in prayer. The minister let out a sigh of relief, and then he heard the bear say, "Father, bless this meal I am about to receive..."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Christian Joke
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source: ChristianStories.com)


Christian Math
A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade math to be the challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake. Geography? No big deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break...but MATH? It was devastating! To not only him, but his mom and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing everything and anything to help their son...Private tutors, peer assistance, CD-ROMS, Textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private school. Not just ANY private school, but a Catholic school. Nuns. Daily mass. The whole shootin' match. Well, the first day of school finally arrived, and dressed in his salt-and-pepper cords and white wool dress shirt and blue cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured out into the great unknown. His mother and father were convinced they were doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for their son when he returned home. And when he walked in with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, they hoped they had made the right choice. He walked right past them and went straight to his room - and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He only emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, he went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. After school, the boy walked into the home with his report card - unopened - in his hand. Without a word, he dropped the envelope on the family dinner table and went straight to his room. His parents were petrified. What lay inside the envelope? Success? Failure? DOOM?!? Patiently, cautiously the mother opened the letter, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject, MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at the remarkable progress of their young son! "Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, "No." "Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?", asked the mother. Again, the boy shrugged, "No." "The textbooks? The teacher? The curriculum?", asked the father. "Nope," said the son. "It was all very clear to me from the very first day of school, that these folks in Catholic school meant business!" "How so?", asked his mom. "When I walked into the lobby, and I saw that guy they'd nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Christian Pickup Lines
1) Nice bible. 2) I would like to pray with you. 3) You know Jesus? Me too. 4) God told me to come talk to you. 5) I know a church where we could go and talk. 6) How about a hug, sister? 7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy. 8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug. 9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11. 10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? 11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study? 12) I am here for you. 13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry." How about dinner? 14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither. 15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight? 16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? 18) Nice bracelet (WWJD). What would Jesus date? I mean "do." 19) Do you believe in Divine appointment? 20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before? 21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me. 22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah, that's hisname. 23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian. 24) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Signs Seen In Front Of Churches
"Looking for a sign from God? This is it." "No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace." "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!" "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins." "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!" An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holdingstone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline thatreads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets." When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too." "Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!" A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixedthe outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed." "People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are." "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee." "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!" "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright." "Sign broken: Message inside this Sunday." "Fight truth decay . . . study the Bible daily." "Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?" "Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives." "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world." "I am going to waste, but Jesus recycled me." "Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children." "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin." "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church." "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns." "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again." "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon." "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" "Forbidden fruit creates many jams." "In the dark? Follow the Son." "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up." "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd." "God is on high . . . get your lift tickets here."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Daddy, How Much Do You Make An Hour?
With a timid voice and idolizing eyes, the little boy greeted his father as he returned from work, "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?" Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring look, the father said: "Look, son, not even your mother knows that. Don't bother me now, I'm tired." "But Daddy, just tell me please!? How much do you make an hour," the boy insisted. The father finally giving up replied: " Twenty dollars per hour." "Okay, Daddy? Could you loan me ten dollars?" the boy asked. Showing restlessness and positively disturbed, the father yelled: "So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right?? Go to sleep and don't bother me anymore!" It was already dark and the father was meditating on what he had said and was feeling guilty. Maybe he thought, his son wanted to buy something. Finally, trying to ease his mind, the father went to his son's room. "Are you asleep son?" asled the father. "No, Daddy. Why?" replied the boy partially asleep. "Here's the money you asked for earlier," the father said. "Thanks, Daddy!" rejoiced the son, while putting his hand under his pillow and removing some money. "Now I have enough! Now I have twenty dollars!" the boy said to his father, who was gazing at his son, confused at what his son just said. "Daddy could you sell me one hour of your time?"

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Divine Code Writing
Between moments of dispensing wisdom, managing things ecclesiastic, and occasionally intervening in world affairs, it seems that earth's religious leaders had also learned computer programming. One day, a great contest was held to test their skills. After days and days of fierce competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus and Mohammed. The judge described the software application required for the final test, and gave the signal to start writing code. The two contestants feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets and applications flew by on their screens at incredible speeds. Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their monitors. The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning flashed and the power went out. After a moment it came back on-just in time for the clock to announce that at last, the competition was over. The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software. Mohammed angrily said that he'd lost it all in the power outage. The judge turned to the other competitor. Jesus smiled, clicked a mouse and a dazzling application appeared on his screen. After just a few moments, the judge was clearly impressed and declared Jesus the victor. When asked what made the difference on which the decision was made, the judge said that the unique characteristic which set the winner apart from all the other leaders was that: . . . "Jesus saves."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Do You Have A Brain?
It is not at all uncommon in our day to meet people who insist that no intelligent person can accept what is not in complete agreement with human reason or what lies outside the realm of human experience. Which reminds us of how an aged Quaker once confronted a young rationalist. This young man declared: ";I will not believe in the existence of what has never been seen; we are creatures of reason you know. "Have you ever seen France?" queried the old Quaker.. "No, sir, but others have, and so my reason allows me to believe in its existence upon their testimony. "Ah, you will believe only in what you or another has seen." "That's it, you have my idea exactly." "Have you ever seen your brains?" "No, sir." "Have you ever met anyone who has seen them?" "No sir." "Do you believe you have any?"

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)





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