Does Everyone Know the Story of the Good Samaritan?
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence. "I think I'd be sick."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Does God Exist?
There were two roommates in college, one a believer and one not. One day they were discussing the validity of God. The believer said to the non-believer, give me five good reasons why God does not exist and we will go from there. The nonbeliever thought for a while and finally came up with his five reasons. He said to the believer, "can you see God?" "No," said the believer. "Can you smell God?" "Not really," said the believer. "Can you touch God?" "No," said the believer. "What about taste?" "No," said the believer. "Well can you hear God?". "Well, ya I can hear God, in the wind and stuff". "Well," said the nonbeliever, "four out five, God does not exist." The believer thought and asked for a while to think about it. Finally he came back and said to his friend, "Okay. Can you touch your brain?" "No." "Can you see your brain?" "Nope." "Can you smell your brain?" "No." "What about hear it?" "I guess not," replied the nonbeliever "Then can you taste your brain?" "No." "Well then," said the believer, "I guess it is pretty obvious. Five out five, you have no brain."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Dressing Up As Satan
A lady's sick of her husband's drinking, so she decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and when her husband walks in from being out all night, she jumps out from behind the sofa and screams. He says, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Drum by a Barrel
Cruising up the lake I drove Beyond my normal fishing holes Searching for that special one to have a little splendid fun When to my left I spot a scene A quiet cove beyond all dreams Turning sharply on the wheel I throttle down and grab my reel Flip the troller - speed at a crawl Set to cast and drop my jaw! NO FISHING Here Beyond This Rope Read the sign nailed to a float What rule is this that cramps my style I've searched far and long - come many a mile By who's authority to hold me back? I felt my rights were under attack I didn't know the owner's name Some say he's crazy some say he's sane Other declare he's long past gone But all I knew this sign was wrong! The lake was mine in all its glory Still I thirst for more, so here's the story I pushed the rope down with my oar Drowning the sign I chose to ignore Stealth like gliding I made my way Toward some hickory trees in decay Further in the air grew stale The water dingy it had a smell Focus now - this is your chance If I can woo her I'll do my dance There's my ticket - a sunken barrel Tossed my spinner and gave it a whirl When in a flash I felt a bump Knew in a jiffy I was not skunked! I felt a shimmer shoot up my spine >From something tugging the end of my line I have you now, you beautiful thing It's what I came for - my voice in sing I have to admit she put up a fight But it was useless under my might. To the spoils - reaching down to grab her Lifting her high in triumphant gesture Oh me! Oh my! What have I done? It's not a bass, but a sleazy Old Drum! Before I knew it she gave me the slip Sliding behind me slapping my hip. She flipped and flopped with no shame or regret as she knocked over tackle and slimed up the deck What in the world have you done to me? Get out of here before someone sees! For I am a bass man, a true one untold A long standing member, a name to uphold I lunged out at her with a snarl and a shout But hooked my shoe on the lure she spit out Losing my balance I fell like a tree Landing in ooze skinning my knee Lying beside her I smelled her stench breath I started to gag, longing for death Get out you - you boat wrecker! I said with a cry As I squeezed her ungently around her soft sides I flung her over, yet not soon enough For she let out on me mustard like stuff I lay there in horror feeling dirty inside Not knowing to gun it or sink down and hide How did this happen? Why to me? Wiping my face on the end of my sleeve That Stupid fish! I grimaced in pain Then let out a chuckle knowing who was to blame See, I'd ignored the sign, and broken the law Thought it was decrepit, with one or two flaws But that did not change the fact of its power For had I obeyed I'd be fishing this hour Now this was a warning from a No Fishing sign Imagine leaving God's Commandments behind Whether you treat it like an old artifact Stuffed in a glass case or hid out back The results for breaking will still be the same For there's power in those words because of "His Name" Alive and unchanging from beginning to end He wrote them to guide us - they will not bend There's a silver lining this poem will address That our Lord is forgiving if we only confess He gave his Son for the price of our sins So we can have peace and life forever with Him So as we dust off our rigs this spring And add to our reels new store bought string Let us remember this Easter Holiday Christ passion for us on Good Friday May your trips be frequent, your bass none too few Your horses run strong, and your stories half true Enjoy God's creation in all its majestic apparel Oh! And stay away from the drum that lives by a barrel!

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


E-mail From God
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When the angel returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good. Well, God thought for a moment and said "Maybe I had better send down a second angel, to get another point of view." So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned she went to God and told Him yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good. God said this was not good. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them..............give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said?

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Fix the Fence or Else
Seems St. Peter and the Devil had an agreement to share the costs of maintaining the fence between Heaven and Hell. One weekend there was a bit of a brawl in Hell that got out of hand, and part of the fence was smashed. It went unfixed for weeks and St. Peter approached the Devil about mending it. Nothing happened over the period of a month. Finally, in exasperation, St. Peter said he would sue the Devil if he didn't pay up. "Oh" retorted the Devil, "and where are you going to find a lawyer?"

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


God
Once there was a man, As lonely as could be, He sat alone, He slept alone, Then thought came to he, He needed land, And water too, Solid green, and liquid blue, He needed a ball, With inner light, It needed a name, Sun sounded right, He needed plants, To give off shade, he snapped his fingers, and trees were made, He needed creatures, To amuse his day, So animals were born, on every cay, But something wasn't right, The notion wouldn't leave, Then he thought of humans, Known now as Adam and Eve.

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


God Has Great Morning Breath
One morning I went into my daughters room to wake her up to get ready for school. I laid my head on her chest and gave her a hug. She sighed, and her breath rolled down my face. "Whew! You've got some serious morning breath!" I said. She laughed and we proceeded with the morning routine. As we headed out the door to leave, a gust of wind came up and almost blew us off the porch. In the innocence of a second grade voice, my daughter said, "Wow mom! God's got great morning breath!"

Author - Julie Gracie  (Source: Source Unknown)


"God Speaks" Billboards
Some new billboards are getting attention in Cleveland. Some reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. Here they are: Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. -God C'mon over and bring the kids. -God What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God We need to talk. -God Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God I love you and you and you and you and... -God Will the road you're on get you to my place? -God Follow me. -God Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding. -God My way is the highway. -God Need directions? -God You think it's hot here? -God Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test. -God Do you have any idea where you're going? -God Don't make me come down there. -God

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)


Good For The Soul
Last week i took my children to a restaurant. My six year old son asked if he could say grace, as we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!" Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country, kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me? " As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him. An elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." Really? My son asked. "Cross my heart." Then in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes" Naturally, i bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his ice cream for a moment and then did something i will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her," Here, this is for you, ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."

Author - Author Unknown  (Source: Source Unknown)





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